Saturday, June 25, 2005
...if you really wanna know...
I can’t believe that I’m writing again after a year…I stopped writing when people started to become really bad…I’ve lost track of all the bad things that they did…haha!! People can be really mean sometimes…I guess its human nature…they judge others by what they hear…by what they see…then they would start making up stories that can really ruin a person…well you’ll be a damn hypocrite if you’re gonna say that you never did it once or twice in your whole lifetime…(’sus sa office ganyan…lahat na lang issue…) well sometimes its because of paranoia…you tend to be really paranoid (ako ba yun?! Haha!!) and start hallucinating…haha!! (’di porket di ka lang nabati…galit na sayo…tandaan mo yan…di lang ikaw ang tao sa mundo…lahat ng tao may problema…ang mag-react guilty!!) I know people think and I know that I can be really mean sometimes with the things I say…I sometimes don’t mean it…well most of the time…it just pops out of my mouth…the hell…I don’t really care…then after 10mins…when I start to absorb things…I should’ve kept my mouth shut…hahaha!!! I don’t really care what other people think…well I do get bothered sometimes…esp. if what they think is not true (GOD…people can be really judgmental sometimes…wala tayo magagawa…masyadong maliit utak nila…) what’s important is what the people I really care for think…I wanna mention their names but I’m afraid I might fail to mention everybody…(baka magtampo…haaay…uso din yan) but they’re the people I’m with almost everyday…Ü (ung mejo may edad na na kasabay ko pauwi everyday hehe,ung may bagong negosyo na aagawan pa si caps,ung buntis na nilaglag ako nung isang araw…hehe…yung babaeng maraming networking at yung babaeng namimiss na yung boyfriend nya kasi night shift na…ma-gets kaya nya?…hehe…at syempre yung bf nya…marami pa…) these are the people who never really left me & judged me for the things I did…Ü (kaya…the hell with you hypocrites!!! I don’t fucking care…di nyo ko mapapatay sa ginagawa nyo!!!)
…enough of this intro…the main reason why I’m writing again is because…I’m sooooo inlove again…hahaha!! Nope…I’m writing this because I just wanna tell the truth…everything that I’ve been thinking for the past month…(saka sooobrang bored na ko dahil wala na ring yahoo mail…haaaay!!! Ndi ‘to puro angst…may pupuntahan ‘to kaya basa ka lang…ayt?! Ü)
…Accenture has been soooo good to me…I’ve met soooo many wonderful people…Accenture was the one thing that saved me from losing everything…I never thought that I could ever have soooo much fun in my whole life…from the 1st day, it was January 11,2005…I never stopped laughing…although there were some hearthaches…we’ll go to that later…I’ve had soooo much fun…the icebreakers, breakfast at something fishy, yosi breaks, the tag boards, lunch/dinners…even if it was only at mini stop or mcdo, Arn-Arn’s “kiss the bride”…Ü everything was soooo good and wonderful…we were always there for each other…it’s just soooo twisted how things can fall apart easily…it hurts me soooo much…its killing me…I don’t even bother to care anymore…it hurts me to lose the one person I cared soooo much for…I don’t even remember the first time we became close…it just happened…he was there when I had my birthday at pearl drive…the first night out at I/O…every beer day…we were even the first members of the very famous “backstabbing crew”…Ü he was the founder and I was the president…we would even recruit other officemates…hehe…we were pretty good friends…we would always go home together mainly because we have the same way…but eventually we became really close…we would talk about everything…all the people that we hated…the music that we loved and the movies that were good and the ones that sucked…I saw something good in him that’s why I liked him…soooo much that I was very vocal about it…almost everybody knew…I didn’t really cared…I know that he knew from the very start…(’sus laglagan ba naman sa office…) he was gentleman enough not to take advantage of the situation…I even liked him more because of that…he was really nice…despite everything that you see and hear…then things fell apart…he had new friends and I remained with the B.S. Crew…I didn’t mind…I knew he was happy although I admit there was a bit bitterness and jealousy…there were times that I felt that somehow he kinda cared…but I don’t really know and it’s the one thing that all of us will never really know…
…even before everybody knew, I already knew that he liked HER…I just didn’t believed at first and I was denying it to myself…not her…not my friend…because I’ve considered her as one of my very good friends in Accenture…you can even read it in my testimonial in her friendster account…now maybe you can imagine how hard it was for me…she was even the one who comforted me when I was crying because of him at subic…I didn’t told anyone what I knew…not even iya…not even Janice…it was just too painful…just the thought of it kills me like hell…and the one person whom I trusted to tell me if there was something goin on didn’t even told me anything…(ganito pa yung usap namen…”** if there’s something…pls tell me…ok lang tlga saken yun…sagot nya…OO…sabay tango…pro wala…hanggang ngayon…tas pinamumuka pa nya saken lahat…tagal kong nagmukhang tanga) my only fault was she’s much closer with the other girl that’s why she didn’t even bother to tell me anything…I know I don’t have the right…and its perfectly fine with me but you don’t have to show it in my face…you’ll be a certified hypocrite if you’d tell me that if you wont be bothered if the person you like the most and your friend are together…(labo di ba? GOD WHY HER?!) now its out in the open and the whole world knows…and people cant be more insensitive…I started to avoid him…to get over him and to avoid the “awkward moments” when the 3 of us are in the same room…you cant hate me for doing it…it’s a bit immature but guess what? It’s the most mature decision that I did…you’ll never know what I really feel unless you’re in my shoes…how ironic that the one person who could make me really happy is the one person that I don’t wanna be with…I thought no one can hurt me again after ryan orosco…then he came…I never thought that this is gonna happen…I don’t hate him…I don’t even hate her…I just hate the situation…
…(you’ll never know lahat ng sama ng loob ko…how much pain ive been through…and is still going through…cant you be more insensitive? I can see and feel how much you hate me…WHAT DID I EVER DO TO YOU? ASK YOURSELF WHAT DID I EVER DO TO YOU HUH?!…I DON’T DESERVE THIS…I KNOW I’VE HURT SOME PEOPLE AND I APOLOGIZE…PERO SAYO? ANONG GNAWA KO?! Cant you be more insensitive?…ang tagal kitang iniwasan tas anjan ka na naman ulet sa harap ko…)
…now I told you everything…I’m not afraid anymore…
…I know the day will come that things are gonna be ok…I dunno when but maybe not today…I know I’ll be ok…its not worth it… ÜÜÜ…see…I can smile again…
…enough of this intro…the main reason why I’m writing again is because…I’m sooooo inlove again…hahaha!! Nope…I’m writing this because I just wanna tell the truth…everything that I’ve been thinking for the past month…(saka sooobrang bored na ko dahil wala na ring yahoo mail…haaaay!!! Ndi ‘to puro angst…may pupuntahan ‘to kaya basa ka lang…ayt?! Ü)
…Accenture has been soooo good to me…I’ve met soooo many wonderful people…Accenture was the one thing that saved me from losing everything…I never thought that I could ever have soooo much fun in my whole life…from the 1st day, it was January 11,2005…I never stopped laughing…although there were some hearthaches…we’ll go to that later…I’ve had soooo much fun…the icebreakers, breakfast at something fishy, yosi breaks, the tag boards, lunch/dinners…even if it was only at mini stop or mcdo, Arn-Arn’s “kiss the bride”…Ü everything was soooo good and wonderful…we were always there for each other…it’s just soooo twisted how things can fall apart easily…it hurts me soooo much…its killing me…I don’t even bother to care anymore…it hurts me to lose the one person I cared soooo much for…I don’t even remember the first time we became close…it just happened…he was there when I had my birthday at pearl drive…the first night out at I/O…every beer day…we were even the first members of the very famous “backstabbing crew”…Ü he was the founder and I was the president…we would even recruit other officemates…hehe…we were pretty good friends…we would always go home together mainly because we have the same way…but eventually we became really close…we would talk about everything…all the people that we hated…the music that we loved and the movies that were good and the ones that sucked…I saw something good in him that’s why I liked him…soooo much that I was very vocal about it…almost everybody knew…I didn’t really cared…I know that he knew from the very start…(’sus laglagan ba naman sa office…) he was gentleman enough not to take advantage of the situation…I even liked him more because of that…he was really nice…despite everything that you see and hear…then things fell apart…he had new friends and I remained with the B.S. Crew…I didn’t mind…I knew he was happy although I admit there was a bit bitterness and jealousy…there were times that I felt that somehow he kinda cared…but I don’t really know and it’s the one thing that all of us will never really know…
…even before everybody knew, I already knew that he liked HER…I just didn’t believed at first and I was denying it to myself…not her…not my friend…because I’ve considered her as one of my very good friends in Accenture…you can even read it in my testimonial in her friendster account…now maybe you can imagine how hard it was for me…she was even the one who comforted me when I was crying because of him at subic…I didn’t told anyone what I knew…not even iya…not even Janice…it was just too painful…just the thought of it kills me like hell…and the one person whom I trusted to tell me if there was something goin on didn’t even told me anything…(ganito pa yung usap namen…”** if there’s something…pls tell me…ok lang tlga saken yun…sagot nya…OO…sabay tango…pro wala…hanggang ngayon…tas pinamumuka pa nya saken lahat…tagal kong nagmukhang tanga) my only fault was she’s much closer with the other girl that’s why she didn’t even bother to tell me anything…I know I don’t have the right…and its perfectly fine with me but you don’t have to show it in my face…you’ll be a certified hypocrite if you’d tell me that if you wont be bothered if the person you like the most and your friend are together…(labo di ba? GOD WHY HER?!) now its out in the open and the whole world knows…and people cant be more insensitive…I started to avoid him…to get over him and to avoid the “awkward moments” when the 3 of us are in the same room…you cant hate me for doing it…it’s a bit immature but guess what? It’s the most mature decision that I did…you’ll never know what I really feel unless you’re in my shoes…how ironic that the one person who could make me really happy is the one person that I don’t wanna be with…I thought no one can hurt me again after ryan orosco…then he came…I never thought that this is gonna happen…I don’t hate him…I don’t even hate her…I just hate the situation…
…(you’ll never know lahat ng sama ng loob ko…how much pain ive been through…and is still going through…cant you be more insensitive? I can see and feel how much you hate me…WHAT DID I EVER DO TO YOU? ASK YOURSELF WHAT DID I EVER DO TO YOU HUH?!…I DON’T DESERVE THIS…I KNOW I’VE HURT SOME PEOPLE AND I APOLOGIZE…PERO SAYO? ANONG GNAWA KO?! Cant you be more insensitive?…ang tagal kitang iniwasan tas anjan ka na naman ulet sa harap ko…)
…now I told you everything…I’m not afraid anymore…
…I know the day will come that things are gonna be ok…I dunno when but maybe not today…I know I’ll be ok…its not worth it… ÜÜÜ…see…I can smile again…
